A Month of Thanks

There’s a lot of tiny things that make my job special and many reasons for me to go in with a smile even when I’d probably rather have a snow day or sleep in. But perhaps one of the biggest blessings of working at my particular preschool is that I also work there with my Aunt Sandy (and, actually, another aunt and cousin as well), who shares a classroom immediately next door to mine. I see her at least a dozen times a day, whether she’s coming to check on aftercare kids or we’re both taking kids to the potty, or even if one of us is bored and just wants to check in on the other. She’s always there to see how my day is going, ask if I’m drinking enough water or if I’m putting on lotion to keep my hands from getting cracked (which has never happened that bad until I started washing my hands twenty plus times a day). She’ll stand up for me in meetings and brag about me with the bosses, show me the ropes for things I’m still learning, and make sure I’m doing okay with long and stressful days. In lot of ways, she’s almost like my work-mom, and although I’ve always been close with my family, it’s especially nice being so close to her in a still new job and a new phase of life.

If there’s one thing you need to know about Sandy though, it’s that Christmas season starts as soon as possible with her. I’ve driven with her during the summer time, and she’ll be playing Jingle Bells or other holiday music. Last time we went to her house for Thanksgiving, the tree was up and Hallmark movies were on before the turkey leftovers were even put away. And although I do think it’s crazy to start Christmas preparation as early as she does, she’s not alone. Somehow, Christmas has been on everyone’s mind right since Halloween ended: other teachers are getting trees set up, kids are asking about Santa, and everyone is singing or listening to Christmas Carols. I can only imagine what it’ll be like in December.

But, it’s not always so easy for me. Christmas spirit is a little hard for me sometimes, and having lost your Mom to cancer nine days before Christmas makes the countdown hard to bear. Getting closer to the holidays brings a lot of bad memories and pain that still hasn’t gone away six years later. Of course, it’s not just that. Days are getting shorter and colder, and leaving three days a week at 5:30 doesn’t really help. Changing classroom dynamics, stress of progress reports, and trying to stay on top of it all isn’t easy. Feeling like you don’t have enough time to yourself to do what you want to do is challenging, and on the other hand not having enough time with your friends, family, or team leaves you feeling alone. Looking at girls and wishing you had the confidence to strike up a real conversation with her or ask her out (even if you have before talked to her or gone out) leaves you disheartened and doubting yourself. Sometimes, you don’t know if you’re doing it right. You feel alone and overwhelmed and question whether or not you’re really making it through because you want to, or you have to.

One Day at a Time

One of the greatest lessons my Mom ever taught me was to take one day at a time. Not a crappy week. Not a month of planning what needs to be done or working around everything else going on. Not a season of feeling depressed or alone. Not where you’ll be in a year, or three or ten. But simply, take one day at a time. My Mom battled cancer for four years. And she could have worried about how much longer she’d have to be in chemo for, or how long until her hair would come back, or how many days she had left. But, she didn’t. There were plenty of opportunities to focus on the negatives, to worry or become angry or afraid of what laid ahead. It sure wasn’t pretty. But instead, Mom always tried to keep her focus on where she was now and what she had now. Who she had, what she had, no matter how much or how little.

If she could do that, fighting cancer for four years and slowly having everything stripped away from her, I should at least try to do the same. I think it’s very telling of her character that her favorite holiday was never Christmas, or Easter, or Fourth of July, but Thanksgiving. Oddly, that used to be my least favorite holiday. As a kid, it wasn’t much more than a day to be called out for being a picky eater. But, I think my appreciation for the holiday has grown since losing Mom (as well as my diet), and Thanksgiving has started to become less about the turkey and more about what you’re actually thankful for.

It’s pretty generic for a blog post, sure, but I wanted to write about what I have that I’m thankful for because, even though it is difficult sometimes and it feels like I don’t know what I’m doing lately, I have a lot.

The People Who Matter Most

To start, I’m thankful for my family. That’s kind of obvious, I suppose. Most people are thankful for at least part of their family. But I’m lucky enough to live in a family that’s so close and intertwined that we’re more than traditional blood relatives or people who grew up together. My cousins are as close to me as brothers and sisters. My dad is my best friend (if not a twin), and someone I can always count on. My aunts and cousin are coworkers, my grandparents are pastors and guides, and my step-mom is just as much a mom to me as my real mother was. We spend hours playing games together, we eat ice cream together, and we’re just as thrilled to see each other for a sweet sixteen as a Sunday morning at church. We support each other and fight for each other. We’ve been through everything together, and we always will.

I’m thankful for my parents, Dad and Becca, and that they love me so much and are always there for me. I’m thankful they’re not just okay with, but glad to have me living at home and spending time with them. I’m thankful for the board games we play, debates and arguments we have, the Saturday mornings we get breakfast together even though I already ate 3 hours ago. I’m thankful that my Dad is my best friend, and that as I slowly turn into him there’s no one else I’d rather want to be. I’m thankful that Becca isn’t just my step-mom, but my friend, someone I can talk with and learn to cook from and exchange work stories with. I’m thankful that they both love each other and that they’re both such big parts of my life and care about me so much.

Right now, I’m especially thankful for my sister, Shelby, and that she’s home from college at least for a few days. When I went away to Australia, I obviously missed my family, but I never quite understood how much you could miss one person until they’re the one that’s gone away and you’re stuck waiting for them to come back. When I first went to college, we almost switched personalities: I became more extroverted and confident while she became more introverted and to herself. Then, once I came back and she left, we switched again and now I’m the one going to bed by 9:30 while she’s partying with friends at God knows what hour (granted, every one of my suitemates could tell you that I was always the first to go to bed). With her being gone, it’s lonelier, quieter, and sometimes you feel trapped at home while your sister is out having fun with friends and exploring. So, even though she’s only home for a couple days, I’m incredibly lucky that she’s home and we get to spend time together, gossiping about crushes or roommates, and laughing at each other’s stupid jokes.

Even though I’m not in college with the mates anymore, I’m thankful for the friends I made at New Paltz and all the great opportunities and adventures we’ve had. Luckily, I’m still fairly close with a few of them, and I’m grateful that our friendship goes beyond college. Brian texts me just about every day, Sabrina and I talked on the phone for about an hour and a half the other day, and I was even able to meet up with Noah and some of his mates at the mall earlier in the month (first time doing an escape room, and it was super fun). Having friendships last like ours is special, and it’s nice to know no matter where you go you or where you’ll end up in life, you’ll still have friends that you can always count on and keep coming back to.

And after all the fun adventures of college, I'm thankful for new kinds of friendships as an adult and at work. I’m thankful for the many friendly faces at work that make each day a joy, that welcomed me into a new profession and showed me the ropes, and I’m thankful that there’s so many people there that help put a smile on my face. And while there's dozens of people who make going into work each day worth it, I’m especially thankful for my classroom teammates, Bre and Marissa, and that we get along as well as we do. They’ve been incredibly welcoming and friendly from day 1, and as a team we’ve become connected and super close. In a job as emotionally draining as being a preschool teacher (among all the other stuff), having people that support each other and look out for each other is what makes you want to keep doing what you’re doing. Honestly, I really don’t think I could’ve asked for a better team to work with. But even more than that, they’ve become friends I can talk to and make jokes with, or rant about life’s problems to and talk to about the deep things in life. They’ve taught me a lot not just about teaching, but about life, and as we’ve grown stronger as a classroom I really feel like we’ve grown stronger as friends too.

Being Thankful in Everything

Last year, we started the tradition (actually with New Years in mind, but moved it to Thanksgiving) of trying to write down good things that happen each day and going through them at the end of the year. We challenged ourselves to as often as we felt write something good about the day, some highlight or something that made us glad or happy or thankful. And so, I made it my goal to write something every day, starting from January 1st and going all the way to today. Going from New Paltz, to graduation, finding a job to landing at the preschool. And though I didn’t manage to write something every day, I realized that there really is always something to be thankful for, some reason to smile, even on the darkest days. It’s not always big things, or life changing events. Sometimes it’s a really beautiful sunset, a nice conversation with your coworker, a really good night’s sleep, or finding time for a bike ride.

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” -1 Thessalonians 5:18

After the many hours put in to Thanksgiving Dinner (mostly by Becca) and we were stuffed beyond belief from turkey, potatoes, and gravy, the four of us sat down, pulled all the things we wrote from the year, and looked back on a year full of positive memories and things we were thankful for. From a good homemade meal to a dinner at D.Q. or Denny's, from to a fun night out with friends to a quiet night inside reading or writing, from a small trip to the library to a vacation in Maine or Washington D.C., we each had hundreds of things to look back on and remember that we were thankful for. Plenty of them I'd already forgotten: how one story in class really impacted me or a particular movie night with friends. Others, I wrote multiple times: if I made cookies that day, chances are that's what I wrote down (at least five or six times). And then, there were some that we shared with each other: Dad and I wrote the same thing on the same day, or Becca and Shelby were thankful for the same thing that happened, or three or even all four of us were thankful for one thing in particular.

The important thing is, whether you tried to write something every day like me, or just causally like my sister, there were still hundreds of things to be thankful for. And all of the good things far outweigh the bad. There are bad days. There are hard times. But you can have a tough day in the preschool and still be thankful for hugs. You can be thankful for your friends even when you feel alone. You can be thankful for your Mom and her legacy even when you still hurt six years later from losing her. Sometimes, it's when you hurt the most that you need to stop and look around at what you're thankful for. Chances are, you have much more than you realize.